Monday, May 9, 2016

The Raiders of Atlantis - 1983

Returning to the sci-fi boxset seems to be one of the only ways to actually get me to cough up a review these days.  I guess slowing down has been a neat experiment.  Now I went and got a second job too.  So if you live in Berkeley and buy groceries, come visit me at Whole Foods on Gilman.  I may bag your groceries or something and you won't even know it.  But the point is, I'm kinda busy dawg, quit yer bitching.

The Raiders of Atlantis is also known as The Atlantis Interceptors, and it's directed by Cannibal Holocaust director Ruggero Deodato.  I saw Cannibal Holocaust like a dozen or so years ago, and I remember parts of it, but I don't know it enough to compare these two.  However, I'm sure they were similarly budgeted and stylized.  This movie is pure, cocaine snorting 80's gold.  I loved this movie, almost enough to wish I would have sat through the whole thing in one sitting.  I didn't, cause I'm kinda busy dawg, quit yer bitching.

In this one, there is a Russian submarine that has active nuclear warheads on it, and of course the sub somehow gets lost.  Mike, Kathy, Washington, and a few other guys I don't remember the names of all head down to find out what the freak-a-frack is going on.  Somehow a bubble raises from the ocean, a giant encapsulated bubble that has the lost land of Atlantis inside of it.  So that's where it's been this whole time!  That's where the sub is now, too.  So they all go to the island.

The island of Atlantis, it turns out, is a desolate wasteland where they used to be a regular type society.  Now there is blasted out bombshells of houses, and it's the revisiting of the post-apocalypse theme we know so well and love.  There is obviously a badass motorcycle gang (there has to be at least one) and it's led by awesomely dressed and named Klaus Nemnez.  Klaus is some extremely vague villain, in fact I'm pretty sure he's unnamed in the film, I just see that's what they call him on IMDb.  He finds this badass clear skull type thing (?) he wears and that makes him the leader of the gang.
I'm down with bondage, but this is just a little extreme.

I have to think that if you spoke while you wore that thing, you'd have that awful echo/bounce-back of sound hurt your ears.  Forget yelling, you would never yell again.  The motorcycle villains chase and kill a few of the good guys, the good guys try and get to the sub, while in the meantime the threat of the nuclear weapons looms over everything.  

It was actually, I have to say, really fucking awesome.  This is why I watch bad movies.  This movie right fucking here.  Unknown, very cult feeling, fast paced, weird, extreme in terms of violence and design, and overall just pure mindless entertainment.  I challenge anyone to watch this movie and not be entertained.  Sure, it's got some slow parts and it doesn't "make sense" in the traditional way where you know 1) who these guys are 2) what they're doing 3) why....  But you don't need to know that dawg, quit yer bitching.

And even, I would go so far as to say, see it with someone.  Perhaps with a beer or two.  Not too many drinks.  No smoking.  Enjoy it for the sense it makes.  It does make sense.  It's a fun, awesome movie.  I was about to say something....Oh yeah.  It was partially filmed in the Philippines, that's kinda cool right?  I give this movie 4 stars.  

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