Friday, February 12, 2016

Robo Vampire - 1988

This is again going a little more into the main stream cult movies, movies that have knowledge about them floating around already.  Much like an unflushed turd.  This is also going back to my Sci Fi Invasion boxset, finally, after waaaaay too long without.  Yes, I had a free night last night.  The rapper E-40 has a new malt liquor out, and I downed 24 ounces of it's 10% alcohol goodness, put this on, and sat back....


I love the cover, how it says "Martial Arts" on the side...  Like really?  Who's call was that?  I can imagine it now:  "This movie, I dunno, I just can't imagine what it would be about.  We need an indication on the cover, something that says like 'this is an action movie'.  But even that, that's not specific enough.  People will not know what type of action this movie is!  They'll be scared, confused.  How about we say it boldly:  Martial Arts.  Okay.  But I don't want it to obscure our blatant rip off of Robocop, so put it on the side.  Okay, perfect."

This is also that famous movie with the hopping vampires.  If you're not knowledgeable about cult movies, well first of all, I don't know why you're reading this, but secondly, that's a fairly well known about flick in terms of 80's Chinese made sci fi action films.  The list of movies this rips off is very long.  First of all, obviously Robocop.  Even though the robot in this doesn't quite look like it does in the poster up there.  No, that would be faaaarrrr to high budget for this piece o' shit.
This thing is what we get instead.  Looks like someone started out trying to make a costume for the Renaissance Fair, added some tin foil and maybe a kitchen pot, and then decided fuck it and threw it away.  Only to be rescued by Godfrey Ho!

The plot is mostly indecipherable.  It's not heavy on "making sense" but instead it goes this way and that.  Something about a guy dying and being brought back as this cyborg.  Then there's the hopping vampires.  The hopping vampires that, for some reason, take orders from a drug lord, shut down when you put a piece of paper on their face, and aren't actually vampires at all.  They are undead (I think) but don't necessarily suck blood, can be in the sunlight, etc.  Vampires as a term is used very loosely in this film.

The dialogue, the film, the plot, it's all in the shitter, but this movie is fun to watch anyways.  It's for sure one to take as it is, don't try to make sense of it.  You'll hate it if you do that. Instead, turn your brain off, kick back, and just try to imagine the twisted story of how this thing could've ever come to be.  Thinking of that made me google to see if anyone was making a Godfrey Ho documentary.  The guy was responsible for so many bad, weird, insane, low budget, bizarre, and now, hugely cult movies that someone's gotta make a documentary about him.  Well, there is a bunch of info on him but no documentary.  Give it like 3 years, someone will do a kickstarter for it, I guarantee it.

Cutting this short with 5 stars, let me move on.

I did watch Highlander from '86 as well as Aliens from '86 and I also watched a borderline okay movie called Rampage from 1987.  My point is, like I said, the blog is gonna slow down.  I'm not gonna fuckin review movies like Highlander and Aliens.  You've seen those already, and I'm not going to watch movies just to throw my opinions out there.  I'm going to step back and only do like 6-10 reviews a month I think, and keep it fairly obscure.  I'm not saying this is my last commonly known movie, but I do want to watch things that are unknown.

I also had an experience last night as after I watched this.  After this I started some movie called The People Who Own the Dark, and I don't remember any of it, but I did have this feeling as I watched it that I really miss watching good movies.  I think this was brought on because I am supposed to rewatch Kubrick's The Shining with my wife, who hasn't seen it, and I'm psyched about that.  But more, I actually have put things I want to watch on hold for this blog, and that has to stop.  I have so many movies I want to see.  If I could include a list, I would.  In fact, I will put a list on this blog, but it's not complete.  IT NEVER IS!  The list of movies I want to say is, in a word, infinite.  I have movies saved on Netflix, I have lists of movies, I have memories of things that aren't saved or written anywhere, etc.  And it only ever grows.

So that said, expect things to keep slowing down, but I'm not quitting yet.  I did hit that one year mark I talked about, but I'm not going to stop this shit.  I enjoy it, so why should I?  Okay, update over.

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