Thursday, July 2, 2015

Surf Nazis Must Die - 1987

Have I done anything Troma yet?  I'm too neglectful right now to check, but my gut feeling says yes. Okay, I'll check.  Having just now checked, I don't know still.  Troma is/was a production and distribution company led by Lloyd Kaufman who was behind those Toxic Avenger films.  Side note, apparently he was also in a bit part in the first Rocky movie.  Huh.  Who knew?  That'd be a good "degrees of Kevin Bacon" thing to remember right there.

Anyways, bottom of the barrel doesn't describe some of these movies his company was involved in.  Sure, sometimes they could get away with their awfulness by being "comedy" films, like the sort of comedy where people make visual gags and penis jokes.  Not funny, in other words.  Whatever.  The point is, some of the movies are trying to be funny, some are trying to be scary, some are just plain bad ideas all around.

Surf Nazis Must Die is the latter in that breakdown, it is just an all around bad idea, bad movie.  It doesn't really try to be funny, or if it does it's just such an undeveloped type of humor that even if it was funny to begin with, it would kill the comic potential with it's delivery.  The plot's about as loose as they come, some local gang is trying to control the beach, and they dress up like and take the names of Nazis.  Yeeeeeeeeep.

Okay, so it's not all bad.  It's just that really nothing happens in this movie.  Like, seriously, the movie is 83 minutes long and a good 81 minutes of that is filler.  Footage of people surfing, the gang walking around and acting vaguely tough, some dialogue...it's not like killing you to watch it, but it is still bland as fuck filler.  There's very little that happens in this movie.  I honestly don't even remember most of the middle part.  But basically, the gang kills this black guy and then his mother is out for revenge.  That's the plot.

For the first part of the film we follow "Smeg", a Surf Nazi-junior type guy.  He lives with his mom, and there are some minor funny interactions there, but mostly it's dulls-ville o'rama.  Man, it really feels like I have used that exact description before for something else.  I wonder what it was.  I'm not the most creative typist in the world.  I wonder for example how many times I've put the word "anyways" in this blog.  I try to stay away from it, but look at the second paragraph of this review.

The film is instantly forgettable, boring, and cheaply made.  Nothing happens, as I said earlier, also.  There's not really any blood, there's a little nudity, and there's "bad language" but you know this movie honestly felt PG in it's display of itself.  It doesn't feel offensive at all.  In fact, I kinda got lost in the surfers and it made me really want to try surfing more than anything else.

For nothing as bad as say, a movie where I'll turn it off, for not making me want to die, and probably some higher like-ability rating had I been drunk/high, I'll give it a full 1 star.

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